Sunday, 12 April 2015

late night random writing

Ever thought that maybe you're focusing on the wrong things?

Sure, the leaves are pretty in their own emerald greenish kind of way, with their veins spread to the tip of themselves, accompanied by more greenery of other tiny little leaves. You saw the greenery and thought, 'Wow, beautiful.' and you find yourself wanting more. You're attracted like a moth to a flame, like an electron to a proton. You want it for yourself. But you can't reach it because it's so far away from you. You try and try and try again, to reach it, to grasp for it, to capture it, but time and time again, you fail and fail and fail. You wanted the leaves, the leaves didn't want you. The leaves wanted to be free on their own, untouched, undisturbed. You slowly lose faith and hope; you slowly lose confidence; you slowly feel tired and disappointed of being unwanted, and then you feel tired and disappointed if feeling tired and disappointed about life, all because of some leaves. 

Sure, for a moment there the greenery of the field of leaves seem tempting, and their beauty ethereal. But did you ever stop and just think: that's all they are, big or small, green with red or green with green, network or parallel veins, that's all they are, leaves. They're just leaves. They come and go as they wish, following wherever the wind may blow. They don't stop or stay for you. 

The human eye is like a camera. We have our own macro function. Stop for a moment, make some effort to adjust the focus, notice the flower in front of you? Among the field of green, the flower stands out and appear extraordinary. It is right in front of you, it is there for you, it is meant for you. You only see the leaves because they are many and are easily seen That's all they are: easy. If all you do is notice the ones in abundant, the same old, normal. easy things, you slowly lose sight of the true beauty of the one that really matters, even if it's just right before your very eyes. You even lose faith chasing after the wrong thing. For what? 

Don't do the unfair things to yourself or the flower grown for you. Don't make the flower wait too long. As beautiful and perfect as they are, flowers wilt and die, too.

Just some late night random writing of random thoughts running through my mind. I'm not even sure what inspired me to write this abstract piece of thing. Is the message conveyed? It matters not. (I lied, I wrote this for myself.) I have some serious thinking to do, but not today. Sigh.

Everything was okay until you came along. Why is there always someone like you? Always appearing at times like this when I want to have nothing to think about in this field. Sometimes you're like the source of light and sometimes you're like the poison that slowly kills me from within. The last time I felt this way was about four years ago, and never anything like this in between. When you came along the feelings came back and it felt unfamiliar and I felt scared but yet excited. I feel like a little girl. My heartbeat accelerates and my stomach churns upon hearing the very name of yours. Silly, isn't it? But sometimes hearing something about you brings me down, too. Guess I was too careless; guess I was unaware until recently, that I have given you the power to influence me like this.

It could be a good thing or it could be a bad thing. But of course, I hope that something good comes out of this this time. If I hold on longer this time, would things finally be different?