Sunday, 14 June 2015

first time for everything

I wanted to record this down somewhere since the start of June but now it's already the middle and almost the end of June and I still haven't done it. Sorry. Life happens.

I have done/experienced 7 things for the first time in May/2015 and I want to talk about 6 of them.

1. Using A Lighter
Yes yes. You are absolutely correct. I have already come to the point of life where my age does not start with the digit '1' anymore and it is only until now that I have learned to use a lighter. I only learned how to use matches at the age of 18 because A-Levels examinations include lab sessions and we had to light up Bunsen burners ourselves and I can no longer depend on my friend to light it up for me like how she did for me in every practical session during exam. So I had to learn. But I have never learned and I never dared use a lighter.

Till that 2 days 1 night trip to Bamboo Village with friends and I was holding the lighter and talking and listening and unconsciously I just lit it up and I was like, 'WOW!!!!!' and everyone was like 'wtf?'
Yea. It just happened like that.

2. Hiking
Which story you can read all about here

3. Stepping On Dog Shit
 One day after class I went to fetch Biang to my house as we had somewhere to go together at night and I pass by her house every time en route home from uni. So I don't have to make another round and go get her before heading to where we were going. OKAY that is not the point.

So anyway, I parked my car outside my house at the side on the grass. We were ready to go and when I was stepping into the car, I felt that I stepped on something that sank. I ignored it and forgot about it almost instantly thinking that it was just mud. I sat on the driver's seat and when I raised my leg wanting to step on the accelerator I thought, 'Why is my foot so heavy?' then I remembered I stepped on something.

I turned on the lights in the car and checked out what it was on my slipper.

'I stepped on something. Is this shit or mud?' I asked as I was observing that brown stuff on my slipper.

'It's just mud I think...' she said.

As she said that, I used my finger to scrap it and the smell immediately reached my nose and I stared at her. 'It's shit.'

And I think she smelled it too for she stopped talking and her face changed and she asked me, 'Do you want to go inside and wash it?'

'No no, just pass me some tissue.' And I used my hand to use the tissue to wipe off a gigantic piece of squished shit on my slipper and the smell was HORRID. Then I held there in my hand a tissue-wrapped shit and I was like, 'WHERE DO I THROW THIS?'




And I did.

'Can you go inside and wash it off? The smell is unbearable.' She said.

She chased me off my own car to go into my house to wash my slipper. LOL.

I did.

Then for that one whole night the smell kept lingering in my nose and because our nose and mouth are interrelated I could almost taste it in my mouth. And also, I touched it with my hand. Then out of habit, I smell everything I hold in my hand, so yes, I brought the tissue-wrapped shit close to my nose and gave it a sniff. (thinking of it now: omg.)

Then we went to have dinner with friends and Biang passed me the menu and I was like, 'No no no, I cannot eat now.'

That went on for one whole night. Till the next morning too.

4. Buying A Condom
We had to do a poster presentation targeted at secondary school students with the theme Human Reproduction something something. So we chose the title 'Premarital Sex' as it was easy to talk about and also easy to convey and it was a hot issue in the world now and it is also easy for secondary school students to understand.

We had our introduction and causes and effects and there was this part we decided to talk about prevention. Like all typical talks and presentations on prevention for sex of any kind or unwanted pregnancy and that kind of stuff, condom was one of the preventions. Also, our poster looked too wordy and lack of decorations, so we decided to just paste a packet of condom there as a related decoration.

I bought all the essentials for the poster presentation which included the mounting board, and the condom. Others like tapes and marker pens and all we already had. But that is once again, not the point.

I went into the shop and walked towards the condom section and stopped in front of it, deciding which to buy. I was taking such a long time to decide that another person just came and was like, 'Excuse me.' then reached for one and took it and made the payment. I then looked at Shelley who was there on my first condom purchase and said, 'That one is regular customer.'

Finally, I took a condom and headed to the counter to make my payment. Then the cashier was too immature and kept looking at me and smirking and grinning. DUDE, it's not what you think.

5. Doing A Backbend Bridge
From standing position, mind you, not the lay on flat ground and push yourself up with your hands one.

I back hurt and I was bending it around, doing a forward port de bra and a backward port de bra and side ones. Then as I was bending backwards I suddenly thought: I wonder if I can reach the ground.... And as I was thinking I kept bending and bending and bending and then my hands touched the ground and I was overjoyed and was all like, 'Heeeyyyyy! I did it!' in my head. Hahahhaha!

A month or two ago, before I went on ballet hiatus, this teacher made the whole class do this and the whole class was able to do it except three. I was one of those three. IT WAS EMBARRASSING. But I think by now all three of us are able to do it. Which is good! Improvement. (Y)

This. This is the thing I mean.

6. Sitting and Chilling in
We wanted to get ice-cream and we went to McDonald's but the machine was spoiled or something and they DIDN'T HAVE ICE-CREAM. DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN MCDONALD'S DON'T SELL ICE-CREAM?

So then we went a little further up the street and went into this higher class kedai runcit place and bought ice-cream and there were tables and chairs so we just sat there and talked and chill. That day, we talked about our random likes and dislikes. From food to noises to weird fetishes.

That's all.

I was just thinking about the question: 'When was the last time you did something for the first time?' 

Therefore, this.

Sunday, 7 June 2015


It still amazes me till date that the bonding between us happened so fast and so well, that this chemical reaction called friendship is such a successful one with no anomalous results and okay wtf am I saying now. What I'm trying to say is that, it's great. It's so great that it makes me kind of scared, to be honest. (insert laugh till tears come out emoji here)

The long awaited one day trip has finally happened. Like during our dark days, fine, not dark, just not so bright, because there are tests and quizzes and exams to worry about, and with stress and pressure here to say hi again, during the walk through this tunnel, this trip with them, this meeting and bonding time with them, just the mere thought of going to be able to have fun, heck, be with them, is the light at the end of the tunnel. It is the hope given to you and it is the something to look forward to. I'm not even exaggerating because this is really how I feel about it. (cross my heart)

After meeting up with the others and going through a very very very very very very VERY long and difficult car seats distribution that involves 'lat da li lat da lit dam bom' which some people didn't even know how and which creates even more problem like, 'then? the one who is out go into whose car?' and 'drivers no need la.' 'no drivers also need.' 'then if they get the same car? aiya the other car no driver' and a lot of laughing and laughing and laughing and delaying and distractions and stuff, we finally departed for our destination at around I don't even remember what time because I looked at my watch a few times because the car distribution really took a very long and funny time I even asked if we were having the trip there in McDonald itself.

Oh and then also a certain hot chick got me a cooling gel kind of thing because she knew my muscles ache and that I had to drive and also because she's caring and loving af and she loves me so much. Hahahahahaha

Oh and then upon meeting an actuarial science friend I consulted him about a problem on Maths chapter I don't know what, Sets, that I found and in return he threw to us a brain juice draining, heart aching, pain sticking, time consuming, memory space jamming, tears dripping, blood leaking, wall banging question he found on the Internet which involves 4 guys, 4 hats of 2 different colours and a concrete wall. And maybe something about sand. Like dude can you plz. (insert laugh till tears come out emoji here)

Like 10 years later, the other 5 friends arrived and we all just sat there and had breakfast and talked. Naise.

So we were separated into 2 groups of 5 in 2 cars and we were finally leaving. Tbh I don't even really remember what happened on the way to our destination. It was like 2 hours of driving and things kept happening at the backseat which involved noises like 'Ahhh!' 'Ohhh!' 'Stop!' .... and I just kept laughing but I have to focus on the road. What I remember is the discussion about pretty boys came up and they were passing around Instagram pages of some pretty boys and I kept demanding to see which they turned out to be not so pretty after all. And then there is this discussion and spreading of love for the one and only BigBang. I'm not kidding, Kpop brings people together. Hahahahaha! (Not a big fan of Kpop, though, just a fan of BigBang) Then there was this part because it was very sunny and they at the back suddenly passed the front passenger a car shade while they used another and I was like, 'HUH? Where did you get this?' 'Here?' 'It was in my car?' 'Yea?' 'Wow, 我的车上竟然有这样的东西!' LOL

Then suddenly, out of motherfucking nowhere, a traffic congestion occurred for reasons beyond my knowing and the car consisting of the other 5 of our friends was close behind us and then the middle finger battle began and it is always funny to see things like that because this is prove that our friendship is real. To me, at least. Hahahaha! Then the traffic moved a bit and I moved my car a little bit further forward and then the other one stopped his car SOOOOOO DAMN NEAR my car but didn't kiss my car's ass but I was laughing and also undeniably a little bit high because that's just how low my laughing point is and then without much thinking, or without any thinking at all, I opened my window, stuck my hand out of it and gave them the middle finger. Which was funny to my 4 passengers and also the other 5 in the other car for reasons beyond my knowing but quite possibly for the same reason I find funny when they gave each other the middle finger. Call me crazy, but I find this to be a pretty sweet gesture among friends. Hahahahahah! Sorry.

Malacca is SO HOT. I mean the weather. But then we were there, so yea, physique, too. HAHAHA. Sorry x2. BUT SERIOUSLY, IT WAS SO SUNNY THERE MY ALREADY VERY SMALL ASIAN EYES GOT EVEN SMALLER. I don't think we did anything else but eat and eat and eat and eat and drink and drink and eat. Then we went to the famous chicken rice balls place at the corner and beginning of the street and of course we had to queue up for it and it was sooooooooo hot I swear I thought my feet were on fire. Then they played around with this scalp messaging thing and then we vlogged.

 This. This is the thing.

 为了吃,再猛的太阳我们都能顶. LOL

I love that even though it was hot and we were like thirsty and hungry 85% of the time (even though there is no water shortage this time lol) and were in a freakishly long queue for I don't know, half an hour, maybe? But everyone was still so in the mood and were still able to joke around and talk about everything and anything at all.

As we got closer and closer to the gates, because I was the first of our group, I saw the tauke came out of the shop and returned money to the lady in front of me and said, "不好意思啊,没有了哦." and I was thinking, 'Oh, maybe what she ordered ran out.' BUT THEN, the tauke turned and face the rest of the queue and said, '对不起啊,后面的,我们卖完了哦.' #walao #sad But we were okaaaayyyyy. (heads to the sky, chin up, while tears gently roll down cheeks. no la really la we were okay hahaha) Then we made another vlog on how we didn't get to eat balls.

Then we went to the red house and otw there we took selfies with the camera and we failed almost miserably each and every single time. Observe.

 Wasn't ready.

 Wasn't ready + blocked

 Blocked + blocked.

Then there was even this uncle who was standing in front of us looking at us as we attempted to take a group selfie with a camera and he kept smiling lightly and like wanted to walk towards us and ask, 'Why don't I help you guys....' Hahahahaha! Must be such a pain for him looking at us struggle. Or fun. Idk. Either one. Same thing. 

After 19378 attempts, 'Use phone front camera la...' 'Phone can meh?' 'Eh actually I got this.' *extracts monopod from bag* 'SAY EARLIER MA.' HAHAHAHHAHAHA


There were all these roadside shops selling all kinds of random things and there, I have officially seen the ugliest Elsa(s) ever. Then there was this place selling canes. Maybe it's because they have not seen canes in a very very very long time, they took the cane and playfully whipped another's butt and it was all kind of Fifty-Shades-Of-Grey-ish. #nottinotti ;)

And then and then and then we went to Klebang to get the famous coconut shake. En route, we drove into some driveway into some houses which we were not supposed to so I made a three-point-turn out and as I was reversing my car, I did it like how I always do and I always go very very very near the back but I never banged into it, so I did the same with this too. Of course I knew there was a wall behind me, I even stopped and looked to estimate the space left and then I continued reversing the car but then SOMEONE SCREAMED AND GAVE ME SUCH A FRIGHT AND MADE ME JUMP. AND WHILE HE SCREAMED HE WAS ON THE PHONE WITH THE OTHER CAR'S PASSENGER SO EVERYONE KNEW OF IT. But I was chill and was all like, 'ZOMO? Don't scare me lehhh...' S*HAIIIIIIIIIIII.

We got off the cars and then I forgot who, but someone, asked, 'Eh anyone wants sunblock?'
'Me me me me me me me.' Then everyone stood there under the sun to apply sunblock.

1) 一大班爱美的女孩们
2) Why couldn't they have sat in the car to apply instead of standing outside and under the sun?

We went into the coconut place and then:

"你们去找位啦我 order 先。"
"Oh okay."
"我直接 order 15 杯啊。"
"我们10 个人罢了哦。" LOL
"Oh hahaha okay lo."
"还是我直接 order 20 杯?"

 Which arrived only one eternity later.

And then, because it was so hot and we were all so sweaty and sticky and tired and also because it's just in all of us, we just sat there for a few hours and chill and talked and used up all of their tissue to wipe our sweat because it was, I've said it many times and I'll still say it many times later, SO HOT. The tables were scattered with used tissue papers and we even took another table's tissue box because we finished ours. SERIOUSLY KENOT. They brought up the 几点几点 game again and that led to the MehMeh again and then a mechanical engineering friend brought up the brain juice draining, heart aching, pain sticking, time consuming, memory space jamming, tears dripping, blood leaking, wall banging question that the actuarial science friend found on the Internet which involves 4 guys, 4 hats of 2 different colours and a concrete wall and maybe something about sand again and we were like, 'walao not again!' 'why? you all know already?' 'neh he asked us this morning.' 'OH HEY! You solved it yourself?' 'no la where got so geng.' so they left the question to us again. Then before this question was solved there was another question about a blind man who had 4 pills, 2 blue and 2 red, and he had to eat 1 blue and 1 red but he accidentally mixed them up, so how is he gonna eat the correct portion. To which was solved almost effortlessly by a certain hot chick. ;) And then cuz this was in the afternoon. Then like many HOURS later, one of us: 

"About the solution to the pills question just now, what if he mixed them up again for the second time? How is he going to be able to eat the right portion then?" 


Funny thing happened too: I don't know about the others, but the moment I crossed the border and entered Malacca, I BEGAN TO FEEL HOT (Body temperature and quite possibly physique too) and I have been sweating THE WHOLE TIME. Until the second glass of coconut shake the sweating stopped momentarily. UNTIL I FINISHED THE SECOND GLASS, THE SWEATING IMMEDIATELY CONTINUED. Like damn, state, how are you doing this?

After some time, we left Klebang and went to 万里香 to have satay celup for (dinner?). Me driving = a lot of me cussing and scolding + "chill man" + laughing.

So I was following the other car but we kept laughing and talking shit in the car and I kept laughing and a lot of times I keep losing them and had to make another round or go somewhere else to park and all those kinds of things. So they kept calling us to ask where we were and we kept replying shit like, 'Oh we going home already.' 'We missed the turn, going now but we saw this mutton soup place so we eat first.' Lol. Must be difficult having me following their car because I keep disappearing and they had to call us.

When we arrived at 万里香, the other car found a parking spot and stopped and I didn't see there was another parking spot in front of them and then I parked to the opposite side of the road to which my passengers asked, 'Can park here meh?' then I left and made another round back to the place and then they called and asked where we were again and asked why didn't I park in front of them. Which only after some time I asked, 'Actually, if there was a spot in front of him, why didn't he park in front so I can see there is a parking spot behind of him? Isn't that easier?' 'Because it's him, he won't think of these kind of things one.' 


When we finally made it back to them, they opened their windows and told me to double park them. The parking spot in front was occupied but not quite, because the car was just on double signal and we didn't even know if the engine was still on and if the key was still inside but it definitely looked like it. So the ten of us just sat there in two cars with our windows lowered and we talked crap like that.

'Aiya we park like this la don't care liao la that car so stupid one.'
'Ya lo don't want to wait liao la don't know need to wait how long also.'
'Ya lo let's just go.'
'Eh the driver is a leng lui leh.'
'Ya lo quite leng lui one.'
'Eh we wait for a while longer lo.'
'Ya lo help her look after her car ma what if someone wants to steal her car?'
'Ya lo we must take care of other people.'


When the girl finally came out, she stared at us as she was walking towards her car, probably because all ten of us were staring at her as well. Hahahaha! Can you imagine ten people's eyes following you? Yea.

So she left and I parallel parked her space. Once again, I reversed in and I wanted to get very very very very near their car at the back so I can just turn one round and not five thousand. Then as I reversed, THE SAME PERSON WHO SCREAMED PREVIOUSLY SCREAMED AGAIN AND THEN I STOPPED IMMEDIATELY AGAIN. BUT THIS TIME I WASN'T CHILL AND I LOST MY SHIT AND I TURNED TO THE BACK AND FACED HIM AND I POINTED MY MIDDLE FINGER AT HIM AND SHOUTED, 'HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU HAVE TO SCARE ME IN ONE DAY?! GET OUT OF THE CAR. GET OUT RIGHT NOW. NOW. FASTER! OUT!'
And then he smartly, quietly, opened the door and gtfo. The others kept laughing and laughing in the car and when I looked in the rear view mirror and to the car behind us, the 5 of them were laughing and laughing and laughing nonstop there too.

After the successful parking like finally, we went to eat satay celup. 因为刚刚有人喊到很大声吓到我然后被我骂,所以他一直要赎罪,所以对我特别好特别照顾. Well t(-.-t). But then he said something very very true which was, '我不要再出声了,我不要讲话了,这样就是赎罪的方法了.' HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

'Eh 你等下没有车回了,因为你喊,然后我们这里满了,她又不要载你了。'




See! Nothing to worry about. Shout hami lj. HAHAHA
Then random conversations over food and time passed just like that again.

After dinner we went to the beach and it was so nice there! With the wind and the sound of the sea water splashing against the shore and the sound of your friends' laughter and just the presence of them and the mere being with them, right there right then, it was a really comfortable feeling. It almost felt like home and you just think to yourself, 'How I wish every day was like this.'

Once again, there were stars across the whole big piece of sky and they got even brighter and brighter as the sky got darker and darker. Of my 20 years of life thus far, I have witness a sky full of stars 3 times and 2 times were with them. 有他们在的地方就会有光,不管那个地方多暗. It was beautiful and I felt so at peace. And so we just sat there together, all of us, facing the border-less ocean embellished by the city lights and the starlight. But the most beautiful thing was the people there with me. Without them there, everything else is nothing.

I look like shit but you're wrong if you think I give a shit. :D

'不知道下一次可以这样的时候是几时...' :'''''(

'HUH? 这是我一整天里面听过最可笑的话 leh.'


In the car at a lot of points when we talked and they said something very vain, everyone else would just keep quiet and ignore him/her. Shit liao lo like that, we have only spent time together for 3 or 4 days and we have already reached this state. Hahahahhaa
Around 8:30pm, we went to Jonker Street for the night market. Because of our various walking speed, we walked in two different groups. Then when the two groups randomly meet each other halfway or a quarter way they'll be like, 'Eh, so ngam one?' -.- which happened throughout the whole day, actually, because we had two cars and we kept having to meet up and so it happened frequently.

When we reached the end of the street, there was this stage and some old folks were there singing and the 5 of us just stood there and chill and talked and listened to the performances.


'I know right! My concern just now when I was driving was, 'damn, 如果我要大便怎样?' '



After watching the performance and singing along, we decided to walk back to the beginning of the street to wait. Otw there, the other 5 were walking towards the end of the street and then once again, 'Eh, so ngam one?' 'Ya weih.' LOL

We sat at the third uncle place to chill and wait and saw more ugly and scary Elsas and listened to that one annoying apple song. shit.

10 hours later, the other 5 came to meet up with us and then we headed back to our respective cars and went back home.

Another 2 hours of drive with the same people and then, 'Eh, 你们要玩。。 Truth or... Truth 吗?' Hahahhahaha! So we did and we discussed about all sorts of things like 'Top 3' and 'Bottom 3' and literally talked about shit like the excrement that you produce after eating and digesting and reabsorbing, yea, that shit. Then our talk suddenly became serious and had depth to them. But it was still nice. It's always nice to be with people who you are able to actually talk and state your opinion and thoughts and feels in front of. It's not every day we get chances like this.

Then I shared a story of mine from like a very very very very long time ago which bothered me then but not now, and I did not show it and I didn't say much about it, but I was very touched when they said, 'It's okay, you have us now, we got your back.' Omg :')

I don't know. I liked the moments in the car very much.

To me, this trip felt kind of different from the previous one because that one involved more playing and this one involved more, playing as well, but minus the 客气 and plus more interacting and actually talking. If this was The Sims our friendship would increase and there would probably be a smiley face next to the percentage. (Meaning we're friends.) ^^v

I would tell you all about how we could have made it home by 2:30am but then we took the wrong turn and wrong tunnels about 3 times and twice was at the same place but two wrong roads and we got lost for a long time and discovered some new place and not even the signboards can help us out of there so we only reached home at 3am+ but let's keep that to ourselves but all I know now is that I iz expert of zat' plez nao. HAHAHAHA (no la not really throw me in there again and I won't know how to get out also)


I don't know man. I don't know how to put what I'm feeling right now into words. I don't know how to put yesterday into words. Because no combination of the 26 alphabets could perfectly describe how wonderful and amazing it was. Even the word 'amazing' itself is a degradation and an understatement.

So this is it I guess. This is all that I can and want to put into words here.

I still find it really amazing and kind of unbelievable that our relationship is the way it is now and I'm so so so so so grateful for all this things to happen and I want to treasure it forever. Really, I haven't been in my best state and was actually feeling very sad for a few days now, but then meeting them and spending time with them seemed to have gotten rid of that down side a lot. Hence the tweet: They made everything better. :) Sincerely.

I don't know when we'll get chances like this again but I strongly believe that we will someday. It will surely come. Why?



Sunday, 3 May 2015

let's get away

Ever wanted to be spontaneous af and just get anyone who would and just go on a road trip without a care in the world? Like, let's just go, let's just leave and get away for a while, whatever the reason may be. Let's just leave everything behind, let things be wholly about us for a while, like how it should be always, but weirdly it can't. Anyone at all. Anyone who would. Even with the people you just met for a brief few hours and hardly know anything detailed about them. People who can lie to you of their names and you would not even realize.

Something like that happened. Except they did an exceptional job, putting in efforts to plan and organize everything, prepare everything to make things go smooth.

It's really funny every time I think about it. We were just friends of a friend from two very different sides. The only thing we had in common was that one mutual friend, but that one mutual friend was all the glue and bonding and catalyst we needed in this chemical reaction which is called friendship.

The first time we met, we were only together for a few hours, playing mindless games and sharing feeble jokes and laughed so, so, so much about it. Maybe that was it, laughter shortens any distance between people. Laughing together plays an important role in bringing people together.

So anyway. After just spending a few hours together, we were invited to join on a trip together with them, thus resulting in our second meeting, which was a 2 days 1 night trip. So yea, we only knew one another for a few hours and then we went on a trip together. That was what I was trying to say all along. Hahahaha!

I can't even begin to talk about details on the trip as they all talked too much and there were too many nonsense coming out of it. But all of them were so friendly and nice and funny and gentleman. There was really a whole truckload of warmth and homeliness and joy and above all, even love from and among all of them. One truck for each, that is, by the way.

On the first night after our barbecue dinner, we enjoyed some never before seen (seen but not up close) magic tricks and then showered and chilled and all and it was around 11pm-ish and then we started playing Truth or Dare and it went on for hours and hours and hours and HOURS until it was 3:30am. AND THEN, we left for freakin' Broga Hill.

YA MAN, we all skipped sleeping and went straight up to Broga Hill and we all CLIMBED THE HILL. It was about 5am when we started walking/climbing up the hill/mountain and it was about 5:40am-ish when we reached the first peak. The wind was out of this world, I have never felt such strong and cooling wind and it wasn't even about to rain. It was such an amazing feeling. Like the win just breezes through me and I just felt, happy. Like genuinely happy. Tired, but very very happy.

After chilling for about 5 minutes, we continued and climbed up to the second peak. I'm telling you, we were like professionally trained ninjas (or monkeys) as it only took us 9 minutes for us to climb from the first peak to the second peak. 9 minutes guys. And we didn't even sleep the previous night. I don't know how we did it. I don't know how we did anything the next day after not sleeping the first day and we were hungry like 85% of the time and we sort of experienced some kind of water shortage. Hahahhaa!

Because it only took so little time to climb from one peak to another, we then decided to go to the highest peak and so we did, I thought it would take the same amount of time but NO, I was wrong, I was very very wrong. The roads were longer and steeper and more slippery and I wanna cry but it was still so fun. Hahahahha!



But omg, while climbing up hills I thought I was going to die as my heart beat so hard I felt it almost pounding off my chest. My legs felt wobbly at times and I really just wanted very much to give up and sit somewhere and maybe fake a faint and let some helpers carry me back down the hills but NO. I suddenly remembered Candice Swanepoel in her Victoria's Secret behind the scene interview where she said she felt weak at her legs but the show must go on so she said, 'come on, legs! one before another!' and she finished the whole show glamorously like how she always do, and so I started telling my legs the same as I climbed up the hills, 'COME ON LEGS, ONE BEFORE ANOTHER!' and I kept pushing and shouting in my head and because I'm so clumsy I keep getting cuts on my hands and fingers and the exposed parts of my legs and of course there were mosquito bites and my shoes were old af and the bottom came off and they were cutting and killing me (my shoes) and I kept looking at the uneven ground and my neck went sore BUT IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT. From the peak, everything beneath us lit up and it was BEAUTIFUL. The city lights with a touch of fog here and there, and hills upon hills the colour of charcoal at that hour, embellished by the dark sky and solid twinkling diamonds in the sky, accompanied by the wind smelling so fresh, was indeed a breathtaking sight and almost a breathtaking moment. (Almost, because if it was completely, I wouldn't have any breaths left to be writing this right now. Sorry it's not funny but I tried.)It was just so touching and it kind of made me feel that everyone should get in touch with nature like this at least once in your life.

Do you see that view?! Can I dive into it?!

I still find it superb and amazing that we were able to climb all the way up the hill after having no sleep the previous night and walking 1.5km back and fro the hotspring before that and experiencing hunger and water shortage 80-85% of the time. IT'S LIKE WE'RE MADE OF METAL. WE ARE THE REAL IRON MEN.

As we get older, our responsibilities become more, our shoulders get heavier, worries infiltrate our hearts, we slowly lose touch with what matters, what is the most important thing of all - happiness and friends. It's always nice when suddenly, when you least expect it, life just crosses the paths of you and some people, so you'd meet them, and they'd remind you of happiness and friendship, just in case you ever forget.

To wrap it all up, this has been a fun, fresh and without a doubt, hands down UNFORGETTABLE trip. I feel SO privileged and honoured to have joined it and I am really, really, really happy. I know I'm in no place to say this because I'm not considered the one who knows them all that well, but I hope these people never change. They are incredibly amazing the way they are.


Sunday, 12 April 2015

late night random writing

Ever thought that maybe you're focusing on the wrong things?

Sure, the leaves are pretty in their own emerald greenish kind of way, with their veins spread to the tip of themselves, accompanied by more greenery of other tiny little leaves. You saw the greenery and thought, 'Wow, beautiful.' and you find yourself wanting more. You're attracted like a moth to a flame, like an electron to a proton. You want it for yourself. But you can't reach it because it's so far away from you. You try and try and try again, to reach it, to grasp for it, to capture it, but time and time again, you fail and fail and fail. You wanted the leaves, the leaves didn't want you. The leaves wanted to be free on their own, untouched, undisturbed. You slowly lose faith and hope; you slowly lose confidence; you slowly feel tired and disappointed of being unwanted, and then you feel tired and disappointed if feeling tired and disappointed about life, all because of some leaves. 

Sure, for a moment there the greenery of the field of leaves seem tempting, and their beauty ethereal. But did you ever stop and just think: that's all they are, big or small, green with red or green with green, network or parallel veins, that's all they are, leaves. They're just leaves. They come and go as they wish, following wherever the wind may blow. They don't stop or stay for you. 

The human eye is like a camera. We have our own macro function. Stop for a moment, make some effort to adjust the focus, notice the flower in front of you? Among the field of green, the flower stands out and appear extraordinary. It is right in front of you, it is there for you, it is meant for you. You only see the leaves because they are many and are easily seen That's all they are: easy. If all you do is notice the ones in abundant, the same old, normal. easy things, you slowly lose sight of the true beauty of the one that really matters, even if it's just right before your very eyes. You even lose faith chasing after the wrong thing. For what? 

Don't do the unfair things to yourself or the flower grown for you. Don't make the flower wait too long. As beautiful and perfect as they are, flowers wilt and die, too.

Just some late night random writing of random thoughts running through my mind. I'm not even sure what inspired me to write this abstract piece of thing. Is the message conveyed? It matters not. (I lied, I wrote this for myself.) I have some serious thinking to do, but not today. Sigh.

Everything was okay until you came along. Why is there always someone like you? Always appearing at times like this when I want to have nothing to think about in this field. Sometimes you're like the source of light and sometimes you're like the poison that slowly kills me from within. The last time I felt this way was about four years ago, and never anything like this in between. When you came along the feelings came back and it felt unfamiliar and I felt scared but yet excited. I feel like a little girl. My heartbeat accelerates and my stomach churns upon hearing the very name of yours. Silly, isn't it? But sometimes hearing something about you brings me down, too. Guess I was too careless; guess I was unaware until recently, that I have given you the power to influence me like this.

It could be a good thing or it could be a bad thing. But of course, I hope that something good comes out of this this time. If I hold on longer this time, would things finally be different?

Saturday, 7 February 2015

it's one of these again

- Name: weishan
- Eye Color: brown
- Hair Style/Color: black
- Clothing style: mostly casual a little formal to Uni because it is required
- Best physical feature: i like my fingers lol

- Your fears: cockroaches
- Your guilty pleasure: ballerinos
- Ambitions for the future: heal the world

- Your first thoughts waking up: what is the time
- What you think about most: 'what to eat later?' 'what should I do later?' 'which should I do first?'
- What you think about before bed: what i did the whole day
- You think your best quality is: i'm steady

- Single or group dates: single
- To be loved or respected: both
- Beauty or brains: how bout beauty and brains
- Dogs or cats: i'm terrified of dogs and i don't really like cats what do you want me to do

- Lie: ya, never anything major only to my friends just to mess with them but i'll tell them later that i was lying/i made whatever i just told them up. ps, i've been told time after time that i'm very good at it. hahahhaha
- Believe in yourself: kind of
- Believe in love: i want to
- Want someone: not at the moment

- Been on stage: ya
- Done drugs: no
- Changed who you were to fit in: no. i tried to but like fk it. hahaha

- Favorite color: black grey red silver
- Favorite animal: eagles, owls
- Favorite movie: X-Men
- Favorite game: idk card games maybe

- Day your next birthday will be: May 16th
- Age you lost your virginity: still intact
- Does age matter: in what?? lol

- Best personality: funny, supportive
- Best eye color: does this even matter
- Best hair color: idk
- Best thing to do with a partner: can we have an X-Men marathon lol

- I love: things that make me cry
- I feel: tired
- I hide: most of my sadness
- I miss: my highschool's old canteen's fried sotong
- I wish: i never got influenced to stop dancing when i was 15/to have gone back to dancing sooner

Thursday, 1 January 2015


Just some thoughts.

So it's the first day of 2015, and everywhere people are talking about the 'New Year, New Me' crap. Everyone's talking about how different they're gonna be, how they're gonna change, what they're gonna do and all that stuff. I have nothing against people and their new year's resolution, actually. It's good to have something you want to accomplish, a goal in life, a purpose in your life, of course it's good to have all that. It's just my personal problem. My personal problem of not believing in 'new year's resolutions'. I just think that, if you really want to change, if you really want to do something differently than before, why do you have to wait for a new year? Why do you need to wait for the year to increase by one before you can take control of your life and change the things in your life that you do not like or want? For example, you want to get better results in exams, start studying now; you want to get richer, get working now; you want to lose a few pounds, exercise now; you want to do more good deeds, do it now; you want to quit all the bad habits, start trying now. WHY do we have to wait for a whole new year before we can do all these things? 'New year, new beginning'? Everyday should be a new beginning. Now is what's important. Sure, your future's important too, but it's all affected by what you do now, isn't it? I don't know. I just think that for 31/12/2014 to become 1/1/2015, it's just another day passing. Every day matters. Besides, are things going to change, really? Be honest. Be honest. It's not going to.

I don't believe in 'new years' and all these things, I don't believe things are gonna get better JUST because it's another year. But ironically, I don't believe in it, but I want to. I hope I can again.

On the side note, I had a pillow talk with one of my closest cousins all through midnight. It's been such a long time since we really had a heart to heart talk and all. Once upon a time we only get to see each other once a year. As we grow up, we are able to travel on our own and I did go visit her in another state, so we got to see each other twice a year. But now, she's studying here in the same state I'm staying in, but the times we get to see each other and really talk ironically decreased. Everyone's so busy with their works and lives and all. And as we grow older, our hearts are all being shielded up more and more, so it's becoming increasingly difficult to be able to voice up what we really feel in us compared to before. It's really so close yet so far, mentally and physically speaking. But I'm glad she came over last night and we got to talk. It's been so long since I've had talks like this.

I really hope it'll happen, what I told my cousin, what I really really long for in my deep heart core.

I hope good things happen to everyone, new year or not.

Still, since we're on this,

Happy new year, I guess.