A lot of things are going on recently.
All of these things are causing pretty severe effects and damages (?) to me mentally.
Some people might say, "Why do you care so much? It has nothing to do with you." Fine. They maybe right. All these things are not directly related to me. But as much as I hate to admit, as much as I pretend that it is not bothering me at all, no matter how tough and cool of an act I put on, no matter how people believe the act I put on, unfortunately, I have a heart.
It just kills me to think and wonder, how the families and friends of the victims must have felt, when they found out that someone they love dearly, is gone. It's like, maybe a few hours ago texts and calls are going on like, "I'll be home soon, see you an hour." "I'm reaching soon, come pick me up in 30 minutes." "Can't wait to see you later." Giving people hope. Everyone eagerly waiting for the return of their loved ones. But then in time, they do not show up. Wait for a few more minutes. 30 minutes have passed. An hour. Two hours. Three. Nothing. Anxiety starts building up. Calls about a million times. No answers.
And then when they found out what happened... How they must've felt...
And what about the survivors who saw the dead body? And what if the person who died was their friend? Best friend? Call out their names. Shout out, scream out their names as if you will lose your voice tomorrow. Shake them. Move them. Begging them, to just, get up, wake up. WAKE UP. You never stopped trying. As if thinking what you were taught all your life, "If you try hard enough, if you did the best you could, you can definitely do it." Bullshit. Not this time. All your screaming and shouting and begging and shaking and crying, all of them, are of no use at all. You shout for help. Everyone did the best they could. Everyone tried their hardest and best to save your friend. Nothing. You suddenly realize, your friend is gone, and nothing will bring your friend back.
How that must've felt..."Heartbreaking" is such an understatement. I dare not imagine.
I guess what I'm trying to say is just, accidents are happening everywhere everyday. You hear it a lot, but when will you truly feel the "Appreciate everything and everyone around you, you'll never know what will happen the next second." saying? WHEN? Are you really gonna wait for something to happen? And then only will you feel sorry and sad and regret everything you have done or didn't do when you have the chance to? Aren't you afraid? Aren't you afraid that it will happen to your family? Your friends? Or even yourself? Don't you care about how they feel? I just don't understand, like, how a relationship or friendship or whatever, that took so long to build, can be ended and over and destroyed over small things. Done, just like that. Why?
Maybe people will say, "It's not a small thing." but someone once told me this, "Nothing is ever such big of a deal." So why? Are all these silly little things really worth a person that you love and care about? Is ego really such an important thing? SO important to the extend that you would just stay mad at someone you care about and just WAIT until that person says something? What if they would never get the chance? What if there is no tomorrow? What are you going to do then? Sit there in regret and blame yourself and all that useless shit? Cry? CAN EVERYONE PLEASE JUST THINK FOR A MOMENT HERE?
AND IT JUST KILLS ME. WHY DO BAD THINGS ALWAYS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE? It's just SO unfair.
Just, what is going on.