Friday, 18 January 2013

Chemistry is the problem.

Hou mai gaaaaaaaaaaaaad.

Two weeks. It has been two freakin' weeks since the start of college. I'm tellin' you, my days in college are almost equivalent to Squidward's days at work. Alwiz feeleng wan 2 daaaaiiiiiii. LOL

The first week was the worst. Probably because it was really really really REALLY too sudden that I decided to take January intake, my brain has not been reactivated yet, and I'm just seriously not used to all of these yet, but it's seriously like hell for me. HELL. H-E-L-L. Everyone around me is like super duper extremely smart, always understanding the lessons like immediately, always asking relevant questions, always getting outstanding results for all the quizzes so far, all having no problem at all conducting the experiments in lab, and then, there's me. I seriously have no idea what I'm doing there most of the times. I feel like an outcast, a downgrade of my class. I suuuuck, maaaannnnn. Furthermore, I don't really have anyone to talk to in college. I feel like I'm the not-very-serious-in-studies-and-very-crazy person, and I can't really be all me there. Hmm, I feel like I haven't been me for two weeks.

Today's the end of the second week. I felt really weird today! LOL. Ya know, my Chemistry wasn't all that bad in secondary school, but I don't know why, in here now, I really understand very very very little of Chemistry in class. And then, we had a quiz for Chemistry yesterday, while doing the quiz, I already felt DOOMED. I really haven't got the slightest idea how to correctly and perfectly finish even one question. NOT EVEN ONE! Even the question where they simply ask us to write the number of protons, neutrons and electrons, I had to think for a very long time! Omggggg. Wasn't even sure for this one, seriously. In my head, I was really just playing a scene, where I just raise up my hand and say, "Teacher, I give up." and walk right out of the classroom. If only...... LOL
THE TODAY, we had to mark each others' paper, and then after that, we convert the marks to 100%, and we announce the marks to the teacher. MY GOSH I AM TELLING YOU, the classmate of mine who announced my marks, I think he felt embarrassed by my marks. He announced it so 不好意思-ly. LOL. It was bad, my marks were really bad. That's all I'll tell you. You should know that I'm not really the kind who gives a damn about exam results, except those big and important exams, so no marks are too low or too high for me, but this, this is just... It just SUCKS. LOL. So yea, when I say it sucks, it really sucks. Suck. Like suuuuuuuuuuuucK.

Man, I feel stupid. LOL

Me in class/school now: 我现在可以整天不讲话了. LOL. Not that I have nothing to say, those who know me, ya'll should know that I can actually have a heck lot to say. But here now, because of how stupid I feel, and how I think my classmates and I are like oil and water, I just don't say anything. LOL.

This week, I met up with some old friends. Pooi Yen, Jaclyn, Li Ying. One day after school, Pooi Yen came over to my school to wait for me :) *manisnya
One day I was out of school, standing around waiting for time to pass, and someone called me from behind, and there came Li Ying. OH GOSH words cannot describe how glad I was to see her. It really felt great to see a familiar face.
On the same day, I met up with a best friend who I haven't saw in a very very very long time. I really felt like telling her everything I'm saying here now, but so much to say, so little time. But seeing her was still nice :)

So far, it haven't been at all fun or enjoyable in college. Every day once I step into the compound, all that I'm waiting for is dismissal time. Depression > Happiness + Excitement. I'm such an emo now! Today I met up with Li Ying and one of her friends, and I was telling them about how I feel and how have I become in college.

"在那边啊 (Pointing to my school), 我可以整天不讲话的.."
"YER. 那个不是你来的."

LOL! That was really her reaction. See, old friends will know how big of a deal it is for me NOT speaking. Hahaha!

One day, Alicia messaged me in Facebook and said,

"Wei Shan ahhh, 学校少了你好像变静了..."

Awww. But things are different now. I'm not me anymore. Hahaha.

I was listening to The Script the other day, and "Nothing" came playing, there's one line that pretty much suits me, "I'm smiling but I'm dying trying not to drag my feet."

But still, I am optimistic! No matter how pain-sticking, heartbreaking, hell-raising it feels like in college for me, at least I still have bright sides to look at :) It's the people around me who keeps me happy, it's with them when I can be completely me :)

Every Saturday, I will still attend to Chinese orchestra practice :) These are some of the crazy people from practice. They can really make me laugh. Furthermore, playing music with them helps me distress and makes me happy.

Something funny: We have a song called "苹果丰年" that we are currently practicing. Last Saturday, coach texted Siew Mun and said, "老师会迟,先准备苹果" ("苹果" is short for "苹果丰年", obviously.) Then Siew Mun told us what coach said. 

"苹果?快点 SMS 他,问他要青苹果还是红苹果!"

And she really replied him! HAHAHAHA!

Later, "老师不是喜欢吃草莓的 meh?"
"HAR?! 真的啊?!"
"没有啦! 我随便讲的啦当然!"

And then again, Siew Mun texted coach asking him, "还是你要草莓?" HAHAHAHA

Coach arrived and asked, "Ah Siew Mun ah, 你刚刚问什么青苹果红苹果? 还有什么草莓? 什么来的?" and we just sat there and laughed for like 10 minutes straight. XD


Then of course, there are still this bunch of people. Even though we seldom meet now, because of how busy we are, because Pooi Yen and I started school, and the rest are busy working, but just the thought of them and the times we had, the moments we've been through, the memories we made, it just warms my heart a lot, and can always put a smile on my face :) 

I really miss spending time with them. We used to be together whole day every day. We used to see each other every day, we used to talk and gossip together all the time, we used to laugh so hard together it's even hard to sit up straight or breathe. 


With them, it always feels like home. Comfortable, warm, free, loved. Now, it's like I'm starting to feel a little homesick.

But you know, the saying about friends are like the stars, don't always see them there, but they're there, that sort of quote? Yea, they're the stars :) I know they'll appear every time in my times of need. For sure. We've got each others' backs ^^

I came across this saying about cousins, it said that cousins are our very first best friends. We grew up together, we know each others' families well, we know each other like the back of our hands, we're like the.. Hahaha, I'm gonna use this line from this drama I'm currently chasing. Here goes: 我就像你肚子里的一条蛔虫,你在想什么我都知道;你的眉毛稍微动一动我就知道你在想什么了 XD This is us :) 
The we-only-meet-once-a-year thing makes our bond and relationships even more special. Really love them to bits. I really enjoy those times where we just lay in bed together and gossip and have heart to heart talks from morning till afternoon, from afternoon till night, and from night to morning again hahahaha! Oh yea, there is no sleep with them. LOL!

They're what my childhood was all about :)



那些年,我们一起 ponteng 的日子;
那些年,我们一起用 sodium 来帮同学庆祝生日的日子;
那些年,我们一起为 SPM 突然间变成上课很专心的日子;
那些年,我们一起 study group 的日子;
那些年,我们一起比赛唱 Lagu Wilayah 的日子;
那一天,我们决定全部 Addmaths project 要做 popcorn 那个;

While we're at it,



High school was the best time of my life :) GOLD.

Pray that I stay alive throughout college! Haha.

Da EdN :)

Saturday, 5 January 2013

day 4.


It's 2013! A year has gone by again.. I should say that 2012 has been a great year, at least for me. I still feel extremely blessed and fortunate to have been placed in the class 10 along with wonderful people :) I've made awesome friends, really :D

But then, here's a very sudden news for you: I'm starting college on 7th of January which is NEXT MONDAY! I went to the school the other day to register, and we toured around a bit. I'm suppose to feel excited about this, right? Or nervous? For a new life, meeting new people, living in a whole new different environment, new everything. But I just don't feel it. I feel neither excited nor nervous. Maybe 12% of excitement. But that 12% of excitement always gets taken over by the other 88% of another feeling. What's that feeling, you ask?

Well, here:



















I'm so bummed, you know? When my dad told me he will bring me to the school to do the registration, I was really excited, I really was. But then when we toured around the school, suddenly I thought, "What would classes be like without them?" And then my mood instantly dropped from :D to :| to :( and I stayed :( until now. I missed them almost immediately. 

Just think, something exciting happens and there's no one to tell it to immediately; You notice something funny in class and there's no one to tell it to immediately, then you have to laugh alone, happiness only when shared, what would this be, then? You suddenly remembered something funny and there's no one to tell it to immediately; You're having a bad day and there's no one to tell it to. I just... I seriously cannot imagine how studying would be like without them. Yes, maybe it's just temporary, maybe it's just that we can't get use to it yet. But I'm afraid I would suddenly be reminded of them, and tear up in front of people. Hey! Tauruses are sensitive, okay? Hahaha.

But really, in all seriousness, I will really miss them like crazy. Actually, I'm already missing them, just not crazy, yet.

Look :''')

Can't believe I'm saying this but, 这是去年的我们.

Guys, this is for you all:


Okay okay, in all seriousness, again, I'm really glad I met all of you all. Kehidupan saya ibarat kain putih, tentulah ibu bapa dan abang saya merupakan orang pertama yang mencorakkannya and mewarnakannya, tapi selain daripada mereka, kamu sekalian merupakan pencorak and penwarna yang sangat penting dan tidak boleh kurang :) I love ya'll.

Pssssssssssst! This is a minor appreciation post for you all, though only some of you read my blog. Hahaha!

Da EdN :)